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CRANKY SEZ: We can't put a finger on it but there are a ton of new releases this week, remarkably coinciding with the Jewish New Year (and yes, we are and yes, that's a big problem...) That aside, Cranky's legs up and pretty much stopped working last week. There won't be a lot of coverage this week or next, either, from not being able to get up and feel physically well enough to write or, the worst of it all, not being able to get to the screening rooms to see the new releases.

That was written Wednesday, just before the holiday. Thursday we lost all our money. You may have, too. Maybe we can raise subway fare to get to next week's screenings. Hell if I know.

[LAST] WEEKEND TOP TEN: Beverly Hills Chihuahua takes the top slot, pushing last week's winner Eagle Eye to second. Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist debuts in the third spot with Nights in Rodanthe dropping to fourth. Appaloosa rockets up the chart from 37th position to Fifth. Not screened for us critics due to a studio error, we probably won't be able to play catch up until awards screenings kick up in a month or so. THE REST OF THE TOP TEN: Lakeview Terrace, Burn After Reading, Fireproof, An American Carol, Religulous, Flash of Genius, Blindness

WALLPAPER DOWNLOADS: We've got page after page of downloadables from The Dark Knight, Hellboy 2, Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D , Hulk, Indiana Jones, Kung Fu Panda, Iron Man and Watchmen (plus Carla Gugino as Sally Jupiter)

New Releases:

BEST OF YEAR
The Duchess

The Duchess stars Kiera Knightley and Ralph Fiennes. A story of an 18th century "open marriage" (sic) turned out to be the biggest surprise of the week. Teenboys excepted (they'll be taking their dates  Ghost Town) this is one of the best films of the year. Cranky's movie review

BEST OF THE YEAR
the express

The Express stars Dennis Quaid and Rob Brown. Once upon a time, negro individuals didn't play college or pro ball. This is the story of the second man to manage that but the first to win the coveted Heisman Trophy in the process.

     

Flash of Genius

Flash of Genius stars Greg Kinnear as the guy who invented the intermittent windshield wiper and was screwed out of credit and the $$$ he should have gotten for the work. Kinnear is good. Too early to say if it's Oscar good, as other critics are yelping. The overall film is just an OK sit.

Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist

Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist. We watched it. We don't have a darned idea what the heck the thing was supposed to be.

Blindness

Blindness stars Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo, Danny
Glover
and Maury Chaykin. Pointless and impossible to sit through. Cranky's movie review

Real "Movie"
Ghost Town

Ghost Town stars Ricky Gervais, Tea Leoni and Greg Kinnear -- the former as a dentist who can see ghosts post-surgical complications and the latter as one of those ghosts. Leoni is the widow who steals both their hearts. A very enjoyable, very fluffy and forgotten in three hours dateflick. Teens and happy loving couples on dates go here. [$7]

Real "Film"
Battle in Seattle

Battle in Seattle stars Charlize Theron and Woody Harrelson in a fictional drama set against real life protests and riots at the WTO meetings in Seattle a couple of weeks back. Serious? Yep. Watch-able? Also yep. Serious adults go to this one. [$6.50]

Rachel Getting Married

Rachel Getting Married stars Anne Hathaway, from name director Jonathan Demme. By the time a screening invite showed up, the day was fully booked. Sorry.

Nights in Rodanthe

Nights in Rodanthe stars Richard Gere and Diane Lane in a chick flick so heavy handed, heck, even the 30 second TV spot was enough to make us consider leaving the country

waste o' time
Choke

Choke stars a couple of actors and is brought to you courtesy of the writer of Fight Club. Gee, guess once you write a hit about useless idiots trying to beat each other to death, the only logical follow up is to have a bunch of useless idiots trying to choke each other to death.

no comment...
Lakeview Terrace

Samuel L Jackson mops the floor with everyone else on screen in Lakeview Terrace, in which neighboring LA homeowners wind up fighting tooth and nail over, well, something racial that another pass at the word processor could have made crystal. As great television commercials go, great editing and story is easier to do in thirty seconds, harder to maintain over two hours. But the film fails to build to its big screen confrontation as promised. [$4]

song was better
My Best Friend's Girl

We sat for a "courtesy" screening of the Dane Cook starrer My Best Friend's Girl. In it, a professional grasshole (you figure it out) learns to become a "real" human being when he falls for the lovely Kate Hudson. Jason Biggs sets the whole mess in motion. Obscenities all over the first half (gee, the modern standard) and a stop all momentum, romantic back end. Not great. [$3]

brideshead revisited

Brideshead Revisited stars Matthew Goode, Ben Whishaw, Hayley Atwell and Emma Thompson and Michael Gambon. Adapting the Evelyn Waugh classic we really didn't want to see this "chick flick". What we saw was anything but dull. A sweeping romance with terrific performances, script and direction, here's another addition to our Best of the Year list. Our only warning: femme friends who loved the book hated the film. Yet another reason why we don't compare to source material. Cranky's movie review

Righteous Kill

Righteous Kill stars Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. Heck, what can we say about the first team up of this pair since the atrocious thing that was Heat? Well, this one is better but not by much. Carla Gugino and John Leguizamo add to the star power. Cranky's movie review

rocker

The Rocker stars Rainn Wilson and Christina Applegate. He is the twenty years past prime ex-drummer of a super-star rock band and she is the mother of a kidlet in the band he now plays for. It's a comedy. The funniest rock themed flick since Spinal Tap. Cranky was in the biz so we can appreciate the funnies. Truth. Cranky's movie review

longshots

The Longshots stars Ice Cube.  Based on the true story of the first girl to QB a Pop Warner football team. We always look for an African American helmed film that will cross the color line. This isn't it, though it is an OK dateflick if your idea of a dateflick is of a film that is only just good enough to set up the rest of your evening out.

Hamlet 2

Hamlet 2 stars Steve Coogan and Catherine Keener with Elisabeth Shue and Amy Poehler is a fairly enjoyable sit. In it, a high school drama teacher faced with the termination of his program and job, writes a school play determined to be so controversially awful that it is destined to get publicity and thus gain revenge on the school that is firing him. Sort of.. And so it does. A definite dateflick. See it.

Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder, the reason god invented marijuana, stars Jack Black, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. Three egocentric actors go up against kidlet drug lords in someplace like Viet Nam. As funny as it is stupid -- you won't need pot to get a good laugh -- but stoners are gonna be in big trouble if they super size their snacks.

Step Brothers

Step Brothers stars Will Ferrell and John C. O'Reilly. A second marriage (by Mary Steenburgen and Richard Jenkins) brings two 40-ish layabouts together to hate and detest each other. Until they don't. Flat out boring for those who don't like the lunacy of Will Ferrell's usual shtick. Or who don't care for four letter "f" words every seven seconds -- and we're not exaggerating. Those who like all that stuff will wet the floor laughing. Cranky's movie review

 

Vicky Christina Barcelona

Vicky Christina Barcelona stars Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson in a romantic comedy from Woody Allen, emphasis on the romance. Allen's film is also about as close to a travelogue to Barcelona and other parts of Spain as Allen's other films worship New York. In it a scorned Spaniard (Bardem) makes a proposition to two lovely Americans. But what he really wants is a threesome including his ex-wife (Cruz). Emphasis on the romantic. Heavy duty romance/ dateflick. Grownups go here.

Jack Brooks Monster Slayer

Jack Brooks Monster Slayer co-stars Robert Englund. With a plot nod to Edgar Allen Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart, this 'zombies devour night school and only a traumatized plumber can stop them' story would be a definite midnight movie. Except that, in this century, you don't get any gratuitous nudity. What's wrong with this new generation of film makers?

Wait a week and you can buy it on DVD.

Catch up on/ DVD releases:
National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets
No Country for Old Men
No Reservations
Rambo
Rescue Dawn
Severance
Sicko
Shoot 'em Up


The Simpsons Movie
Slipstream
Stardust
Steal a Pencil
There Will Be Blood
3:10 to Yuma
27 Dresses
Youth Without Youth

TRAILERS: Star Trek -- Hamlet 2 -- Valkyrie -- The Spirit   --The Last Mistress -- Quid pro Quo -- Twilight -- Frontiers -- Choke -- Swing Vote -- Australia -- Curious Case of Benjamin Button -- Miss Conception --Encounters at the End of the World -- August --Mirrors -- Garden Party -- The Accidental Husband --Monster Camp -- Mother of Tears -- Elsa and Fred -- Righteous Kill -- Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs -- Towelhead -- Quarantine -- How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer --American Teen -- Henry Poole is Here -- College -- Diminished Capacity

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